Wednesday, July 22, 2015

I, occult

Woman infiltrates beneath this deep cover of rough manhood, both openly and subversively, on a conscious and unconscious level. Her world of scents, subtle gentle presence substituting: my dirty ways, my corrupt nature, this vulgar filth of mine… when she starts to be the bigger part of me, I become more. She is an icon of my deviation towards good and better… and I like that, her dominion in my world, when she begins and never ends, when she becomes the first and most important reason why to love life! So, I’m seduced to my core, and I belong again…

A part of my filth in vulgarity, my perversity in adoring her is always present on an unconscious level; they arise when she gives herself to me, the only way a woman knows – totally. Thus she becomes my occult exaltation, and I begin to love even more, to a point when my sentient self is no more, ego is gone. And then from my deep dark dungeons something escapes, my primal scream, my wretched self… a highly volatile creature depraved beyond measure, corrupted further away from understanding, defiant presence against change...the fiend inside breaks loose.

And I become a necessary betrayal, a desperate act of infidelity toward her and myself. I deserve all consequences which follow my treacherous nature, her gradually moving from scorn to wrath and ruin. Her own demise from the disappointment in me is translated as a sharing destruction, we become bits and pieces of ourselves… 

And then, when loss is the only thing that remains, I become that presence which is missing, her hope that one day… maybe!?