Tuesday, August 26, 2014

That handsome nude in front of... you;)

Words shape thoughts, but words are almost absent… they’re thrown into deep exile. No matter how hard you strive to find, words are no longer present in this place. All is made of some enchanting material existing in the freedom of the wind, a misty combination of: states, feelings, happenings, dreams, desires, even people… for only drifters dwell in here, those who chase life in windmills, windmills of the heart. For we treasure this state, awareness of all this beauty surrounding… a total rebuild from scar tissue, the complete restoration of faith, unbelievable… oh, we’re seduced;)

The guilt is most profound, beyond sin, beyond redemption, beyond any pain. Everybody knows we’re guilty, that’s our cross to bear; for it’s not easy to be with a guilty consciousness and dirt in the mind. Purity and innocence has never been part of the hunt, for we live with unease, this restlessness which defines us. Nothing ever eludes us, the skilled predators that we are! Oh, we’re seduced;)

With us, it’s all in every time! Always on that wretched edge, the edge of all we know, extending the limits of ourselves, pushing us closer and closer… the edge is chasing and we enjoy it there; for that edge – that’s the only comfort zone we know, it’s the only education we’ve got. Only on the edge, our smiles never leave us, and the soul is such a dancer! Only there happiness is chasing, and spirits soar, elevate, ascend… there… smiling, dancing, loving! Oh, we’re seduced;)

But the shadow is strong, even in the dark. We became angels, but angels with dirty faces. Never wearing any masks, not a single secret kept untold; forever indecent in our decency…

… for we love to stand naked, the form of wicked art that we are, a handsome nude in front of you;)


  1. Dejan, I have yet to read all of your blog entries, so I like to come out and peruse from time to time. I find your style of writing triggers new thoughts within. Tonight, this piece inspired the following string of thinking:

    Mahatma Gandhi famously said, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony." I actually placed this quote on my G+ profile page over the summer, because it resonated so strongly with me. After reading your descriptions of guilt and bringing them alongside this remembered thought of Gandhi's, a new curiosity was born out.

    What if being someone who is able to appreciate differing points-of-view (sometimes to the edge of sanity ;)) encourages peaceful external relations, but not internal? If one is able to easily gain an understanding and appreciation for another's differing thoughts, it seems that tolerance and peace would prevail between the two parties. However, internally, a mind that has been opened to accepting these contrasts, may now struggle inwardly with its identity. One set of thoughts always being sacrificed for another competing set, once we open our mouths to speak and follow through with some bold action. Wouldn't there often be discord? Is it the discord between these murdered parts of our inner being that leads to the feelings of guilt/shame/remorse?

    Just wondering aloud...(but, oh so quietly) :)

    1. I think that thoughts, words and actions should always be in a truthful correlation, but I'm sorry... I can't find the meaning of my happiness in that statement of Mahatma Ghandi, I find it somewhere else:)
      According to the Buddhist philosophy you just quoted, the peace with the surrounding comes from the inner peace. As I see, any formed consciousness, mind or ego (call it as you will) has no problem with its identity, all who posses defined personalities should know best what lies within them...
      As to the feelings of shame or remorse... I'm sorry, I never had those; since I always tried to make the best choice when possible, because the manner I take my choices into action depends from many variables (I wouldn't like to bore you with the way I make my decisions:). Even though, the guilt exists on its own...