She, treacherous as the sea

My dreams are about you. I’m trying to protect you in them. I commit crimes, I even murder… so that I can run somewhere in a very fast car, on roads completely unknown to me. And then I ought to steal something from houses I’ve never seen before, only to find myself running again. But when I drive there is not a single vehicle on the road, I drive alone, lonely… but then again, I have this warm feeling inside me, some strange lovable sensation, an intuition of some sort, pushing me further ahead; that at the end of the road some reward awaits me. This emotion makes my heart running again, exactly the same way as when I think of you. I know that there, at the end, you’re waiting for me. But I always wake up before this happens…

I comfort myself that everything before was only a wretched dream. But then, I get slapped by the sense of reality when I come to realise that I can’t sleep in our bed. I go to our bedroom only to smell the cover from your pillow. Thinking that you’re actually here, my cursed drowning sirène de mer.

I’ll love you forever… and never…

You, treacherous as the sea…