Ahab and Her

I feel her… although she’s not mine anymore, I feel her hand around the soft pillow she’s hugging so dear. I feel her finger toes sliding on the cold sheets of her bed in an attempt to get warmth. Her leg shivers from the touch of the silk bedding she’s so comfortably enjoying. She sleeps next to someone else, and even after all these years past, I still am a part of her dream… our common ground – inevitable loss and inexorable pain; both defining us in ways we can’t even imagine.

Sank in the depth of my thoughts, obsessed with Ahab’s blindness I long for her with each and every corner of my dark soul; with all these cells of my irrelevant worthless being I desire to be with her and only her. Like some black pearl stuck for eons in a carved shell planted deep within the ocean’s darkness, her face remains stuck in my wrinkled wretched soul. Her absence makes me empty; each day passed without her restrains me in heavier chains, and I grow only older. Always when my thought flies away towards her direction, darkness surrounds me and I start to feel sharp pain in the chest with every breath I take… and most of my days she dwells in my thoughts. In this cursed prison of mine, all I got left is only time…

But her smile will never belong to me once more… it shouldn’t ever belong to me! Her happiness must never be shared with this meaningless young man with destroyed look and lost youth.  

I should rot in hell and boil in hot tar just for thinking about her…

She should be a princess of all living things, a woodland sprite… not a mistress...