Stories to tell

She came as a discovery, from the corners of my soul, and marked years in those times of old. She wrote her name all over me and I created depth in my flesh, so deep where voice is created… and I kept her there, deep in my essence, safe and secure – protected. Inexorably she became the most sacred part of me.

And she loved me for that, but she never knew love before, she never understood love. So, she stayed to endure defiantly, maimed and weary, in the fatigue of her soul, in that poverty of her eternal spirit that was no longer human... love, forgotten in loss –  like a lost limb.

We rose only to fall…

EL Zilcho

We’re running on fumes, betting heavily against us, the leverage is running thin. Gambling, just because we want to be in uncertainty…

Suddenly, the odds catch up with us. Fucking gravity… and right there, before that bottomless plunge, we don’t cash out and live happily ever after, because we just got to lose, until there’s nothing left, when all assets are ruined to the ground! 

El zilcho, fuck it! Reboot is the only way we feel alive, only here we find freedom! 

Care for a dance?

Chained

I don’t know how you exist, and if you do: what are you doing and where you are. Are you yourself on your own, or somewhere unfavorable stranger again. I wonder if your world has regained color, or it remained completely the same – full of black and white static. In this age, when we broke ourselves to dust… so that the desert in my heart can carry your name.

With pale fatigue I recall and thoroughly gain consciousness that I have failed and betrayed you. My treacherous nature knows no bounds. And at times when I only wish that sorrow should be made of ice, in order to fully melt in summer, I come to understand that I don’t deserve that as much as I deserve Prometheus’s chained cursed faith. Now, when my mistakes are counted with you, I realize that hell is irrevocably the consequence of me.

In this life, when everything shatters into pieces… everything, but the pain.

Ahab and Her

I feel her… although she’s not mine anymore, I feel her hand around the soft pillow she’s hugging so dear. I feel her finger toes sliding on the cold sheets of her bed in an attempt to get warmth. Her leg shivers from the touch of the silk bedding she’s so comfortably enjoying. She sleeps next to someone else, and even after all these years past, I still am a part of her dream… our common ground – inevitable loss and inexorable pain; both defining us in ways we can’t even imagine.

Sank in the depth of my thoughts, obsessed with Ahab’s blindness I long for her with each and every corner of my dark soul; with all these cells of my irrelevant worthless being I desire to be with her and only her. Like some black pearl stuck for eons in a carved shell planted deep within the ocean’s darkness, her face remains stuck in my wrinkled wretched soul. Her absence makes me empty; each day passed without her restrains me in heavier chains, and I grow only older. Always when my thought flies away towards her direction, darkness surrounds me and I start to feel sharp pain in the chest with every breath I take… and most of my days she dwells in my thoughts. In this cursed prison of mine, all I got left is only time…

But her smile will never belong to me once more… it shouldn’t ever belong to me! Her happiness must never be shared with this meaningless young man with destroyed look and lost youth.  

I should rot in hell and boil in hot tar just for thinking about her…

She should be a princess of all living things, a woodland sprite… not a mistress...