Are you going to tell me a secret now?

 I woke up early, awaken from a dream only to soar into another. Maybe it wasn’t a dream, maybe it was your voice, your scent. Are you going to tell me a secret now?

I woke up early, new day with you. I know I was torn, I know I was broken, I know I saw black rock in my eye. Do you think you can save me now?

I woke up early, I stood naked above the world in my high hide. I was focused on the far east, where the sun rises. I felt reborn out of flames. Are you going to give me a new name now? 

I woke up early, from a warm bed with you in it. I felt a soul wanting me. I saw your naked offering, it was unconditional. Are you going to tell me a secret now?

 

The state of me

In these days the fight for the dream is already in a developing phase. Sacrifices on the flowery meadows are beyond numbers, even beyond grief. And yet, the entire surrounding is new, and that brings this calming sensation of satisfaction and fulfillment for the present. Beauty is everywhere, all around, it only requires a look ready to admire.

Such flow of events perceived with this sensory perception create time above times, a sublime form of hedonism in life, obvious that as the shape of things unfolds even more, the pleasures will be only greater and sharper.

A higher life unveils, but this time, there are no boundaries of existence, not a single form able to restrict thought. The entire heavens lie in the heart, and the horizon is where I am.

A state of existence representing my ultimate craving, wanted most profoundly throughout my childhood and my entire youth…

Ahab and Her

I feel her… although she’s not mine anymore, I feel her hand around the soft pillow she’s hugging so dear. I feel her finger toes sliding on the cold sheets of her bed in an attempt to get warmth. Her leg shivers from the touch of the silk bedding she’s so comfortably enjoying. She sleeps next to someone else, and even after all these years past, I still am a part of her dream… our common ground – inevitable loss and inexorable pain; both defining us in ways we can’t even imagine.

Sank in the depth of my thoughts, obsessed with Ahab’s blindness I long for her with each and every corner of my dark soul; with all these cells of my irrelevant worthless being I desire to be with her and only her. Like some black pearl stuck for eons in a carved shell planted deep within the ocean’s darkness, her face remains stuck in my wrinkled wretched soul. Her absence makes me empty; each day passed without her restrains me in heavier chains, and I grow only older. Always when my thought flies away towards her direction, darkness surrounds me and I start to feel sharp pain in the chest with every breath I take… and most of my days she dwells in my thoughts. In this cursed prison of mine, all I got left is only time…

But her smile will never belong to me once more… it shouldn’t ever belong to me! Her happiness must never be shared with this meaningless young man with destroyed look and lost youth.  

I should rot in hell and boil in hot tar just for thinking about her…

She should be a princess of all living things, a woodland sprite… not a mistress...